Life in the NICU

Having a baby in the NICU is like joining a secret club.  I like to use the mob as an example.  Once you are in, you are in.  You have a bond with other parents who have had a baby in the NICU.  And while it is easy to get into the NICU, it is super hard to get out.

I ended my blog about Beckett's birth with his big debut.  At first it seemed like he was going to be fine.  He had a loud, strong cry but from the bed I could see that he wasn't pinking up like he needed to.  He also stopped crying and sounded like he was full of junk.

My doctor told me that he inhaled amniotic fluid during the delivery and my hope was that with some deep suctioning, he would be fine.  This wasn't the case.  The nursery nurse placed a oxygen saturation monitor on him and he was in the high 60s/low 70s.  It's time like these when you are both thankful for medical experience but wish you didn't know so much at the same time.

They brought him to the bed but I told the nurse that I would hold him for a second but that it was more important that they got him on oxygen.  I would have loved to have held him for hours, but I knew that we could be heading down the wrong path.

The nursery nurse and Daniel headed to the nursery and I got left behind.  I am not sure how Daniel held it together in the nursery, because I know that I would have been a mess.  They placed the baby under an oxygen hood but quickly realized that he needed more care than the nursery could provide and would have to be admitted to the NICU.

Under the oxygen hood before getting moved

We had to wait a few hours before we were allowed to go visit him.  Our room was the farthest room from the NICU and it felt like four miles after having a baby.  When we got the NICU, we spoke to his neonatologist.  All of the neonatologists were nice, but Dr. Haider was our favorite.  He explained that Beckett's lungs were full of fluid and his blood gases were not looking great.  He had to be placed on high-flow oxygen and antibiotics.

Beckett in the NICU

The nurses were amazing.  They answered all of our questions and even let me look through his chart and see his lab results.  They told us that there are certain tests that he would have to pass before we would be able to take him home.  They included being maintaining his temperature in an open crib, getting off oxygen, and having normal lab results.  We were far from this point.

It wasn't until the next evening that he was stable enough for us to hold him.  He had a few bad blood gases during the night, but had improved during the day.  It was so hard to know that he was there in the same hospital as us, but not to be able to hold him so we are so excited when we finally were able to.  

Daniel and Beckett

Finally getting to hold Beckett after 36 long weeks

My sister and Beckett (note the IV in my child's head)

The nurse told us that if Beckett continued to improve we would be able to begin bottle feedings.  We did not realize at the time, but bottle feedings would soon be all we talked about.  Before being discharged, Beckett would have to go 24 hours without being tube fed.  His oxygen was also slowly being titrated and he was getting feisty.  They had to restart his IV three times before they decided to move it to his head.  That is something no mother wants to see, but I knew that it didn't hurt and was better than him continuing to be stuck by needles.

The next few days had ups and downs.  He did well enough with his tube feedings to be moved to bottle feedings.  At first his bottle feedings went really well, but eventually he started falling asleep during feedings and was too tired to take them in the amount of time he was given.  The respiratory therapists continued to titrate his oxygen but decided to start him on breathing treatments and percussion therapy due to bad chest X-rays.  He had been able to maintain his temperature and was moved to an isolette, as well.

Getting to wear clothes for the first time

The precious sign his nurse made for him

That is pretty much how his stay progressed.  He had good moments and bad.  His bilirubin levels increased, but not enough to need to be placed under a light.  He did really well breastfeeding, but was still having a hard time bottle feeding and most feedings ended with him having to be tube fed.  Plus, the amount he was required to eat kept going up every day, so we felt like we couldn't win.  He was sating well on room air but had to have it at a flow of 4 liters per minute or he would desat to unacceptable levels.  It was a mixed bag.

Thank God for his nurses (except for the one that tube fed him 3ml and bought us another 24 hours in the NICU).  They were so helpful and knew how badly we want to go home.  One nurse suggested that I come up for all of his feedings for a day and breastfeed.  They can't measure breastmilk so this would help him meet the requirement of no tube feedings in 24 hours.  It worked and he was able to cross that task of his list.

Another nurse talked to the doctor and told him how often we were up there for his feedings.  Feedings were every three hours and we went to almost all of the ones during the day shift and at least one or two during the night shift.  She convinced the doctor that we shouldn't have to "room-in" or stay the night in a hospital room to prove we could take care of him.  That got us another step closer to leaving.  

After a lot of back and forth, Beckett was finally taken off oxygen and was able to maintain his oxygen saturation.  This meant that he could be moved to an open crib and was another step closer to discharge.

At this point we had been in the NICU for a week, but it felt more like months.  I have so much more empathy for parents who have children in the hospital for extended periods of time.  You deal with so many emotions.  I felt immense amounts of guilt if I missed a feeding, but I wasn't taking care of myself when I tried to go to every feeding.  All of this was after just one week. I can't imagine what it would have felt like to have him in the hospital for a month or more.  

I also learned how lucky we are to have friend and family in the town where the hospital was.  We pretty much moved in with my husband's brother and his wife and they were amazing hosts.  My best friend and her husband took me to lunch to give me a break, too.  We wouldn't have kept our sanity without them.

A picture of the costume Beckett's NICU nurses made for him

Finally on Halloween we were told that if Beckett's bilirubin level continued to decrease and if he made it through the night without any set-backs, we would be able to go home.  We completed a CPR course and filled out lots and lots of paperwork.  We had to schedule an appointment with an audiologist because Beckett failed his hearing test twice (he passed his test with his audiologist) and his two-week appointment with his pedicatrician.

The next morning we went for our morning visit and got the good news that we were being discharged.  The nurse had already fed him, so we were able to leave right then.  It was the best feeling ever.  We were so excited to get to finally take him home.

So that is an abridged version of our NICU stay.  While there were lots of bumps, there is silver lining to having a baby in the NICU.  They got him on a feeding schedule for us which pretty much echoed Baby Wise.  He also learned to self-soothe.  Finally, we were able to relax.  He had gone through a lot and so had we.  We learned that we weren't going to break him and got rid of a lot of fear that first-time parents have.

Beckett's birth story (#1)

A fitting subtitle for this post would be: Hey idiot, you're in labor. I'm not kidding. Maybe it was shock but I didn't quite believe that I was going into labor four weeks early.  Or maybe I like to keep it interesting.

I woke up that Tuesday morning and had a feeling that something was not quite right. I quickly realized that I was in the process of losing my mucus plug. This should have caused some panic but I knew that it could be days before I went into labor but that it was probably approaching. I also started having some cramping but I knew that some people had contractions for weeks before the big show.

I called my doctor and they didn't seem overly excited, which is odd because they usually have you come in for any and everything. They told me that I needed to stay put and put me on bed rest. Since I was a day away from being 36 weeks, they wouldn't do anything to stop me from going into labor but wanted me to take it easy.

I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon having sporadic contractions and watching Dateline on Investigation Discovery. I even got two hour-long naps in.  I talked to my mom and she decided that she would fly in the next day, just in case.  This would prove to be a wise decision.

When I continued to have contractions, I decided to call my doctor again. They moved my appointment to 11:30 the next day and told me that they would see me then.

I decided that maybe I should so some last minute preparations just in case. We labeled bins in the closet, hung artwork, and had some extra furniture moved out of the house. I also double checked my hospital bag, which I just finished getting ready a few days earlier. I also had Daniel pack his bag too.

Around this time I started thinking that maybe we should go to Amarillo but my contractions weren't very organized and I still didn't think I was progressing as quickly as I was.  I had also heard that you can't talk through real contractions and I was talking away. We decided to get some sleep which was impossible for me but seemed to make my husband happy.

At about 1 am, I had the strongest contraction yet and I decided that we needed to go. We were out of the house in 30 minutes and on our way. However, during the ride I started to doubt that I was really in labor because I could still talk through my contractions and I didn't want to go to the hospital just to be sent home.  We decided to go to Daniel's brother's house which is close to the hospital.

Daniel went to sleep when we got there and I paced. I couldn't get comfortable and I couldn't sleep, so I paced and timed contractions.  They never really became organized but every once in a while I would have a contraction that made me feel like I was splitting in half.  All I wanted to do was cry.

I thought maybe I could try to lay down but at this point I realized that I was having a hard time sitting because the baby felt so low.  I had a feeling this wasn't good.  I woke Daniel up and told him that we were going to the hospital.  The problem was that we had no idea where to go.  We had tried to pre-admit two weeks earlier but the L&D floor wouldn't allow me to complete their paperwork until I was 36 weeks.  I was actually scheduled to pre-admit that day.  I called the hospital and talked to the L&D floor.  They told me to come straight to their floor.

We left immediately and then proceeded to hit every light on the way.  Then we valet parked at the hospital and it took forever.  Next, the greeter decided to walk us to the L&D floor but didn't offer me a wheelchair.  We were at the elevator before she asked if I needed one and that point I wanted to keep moving forward.  She tried to stop and talk to me several times and I have a feeling that I wasn't very nice.  I was starting to feel like it was not my day.

The admissions clerk had me fill out some paperwork and I quickly realized that I had made a huge mistake.  We got to the hospital at 7, also known as shift change.  I waited for about thirty minutes before a nurse came to triage me.  I probably had about four or more contractions during that time and I am pretty sure I scared the couple waiting to be induced.  I was pretty sure that it was not my day.

All that changed when I finally got taken back to be triaged.  The nurse informed me that my doctor was in the hospital and he would do my exam.  Then I noticed that my pediatrician was in the room next to ours because her sister was having a baby.  It was like everything was coming together.

My doctor arrived to check me and this is when I realized that I came dangerously close to having my baby in a toilet.  I was an 8.  I repeat an 8.  My actual words when he told me were, "Son of a bitch.  I'm a what?" and my next question was when could I get my epidural.

After that things started happening really fast.  I was wheeled into a room and four nurses came in to start IVs, collect blood, and admit me.  They all commended me on my high pain tolerance.  I think I started to panic at this point because my contractions started feeling much worse.  The nurses told me that there were two c-sections happening and I wouldn't be able to get my epidural until they were done.  I was not happy.  Daniel didn't help by looking at my monitor and stating that my contractions were closer together than anyone else they had hooked up.

My doctor came back to check me and break my water.  At this point, I was a 9 and my water had broken.  And I still had no epidural.  My doctor told me that I could do it without one, but I kindly informed him that this would be my first and last child if that happened.  Thankfully,  one of the anesthesiologists got done in his c-section and I got my juice.  It was the best hour of my life.

After an hour, my epidural started to wear off.  They didn't put me on a pump because they thought that   I would go fast and I did.  My mom got there right before I started pushing and after half an hour of pushing, Beckett Oliver arrived at 11:28am.  He weighed 6 pounds even and was 19.5 inches long and was perfect.
   

Swollen but still pretty cute

Dad and lad

Under the oxygen hood

I am ending this blog here but this is not where the excitement ended.  I'll post about Beckett's stint in the NICU on my next blog.  Us Browns like to keep it interesting.

Savannah

It was important to both my husband and I to go on one last trip before Baby Brown arrived.  If you know me, you know that I am constantly planning my next vacation and will use just about any excuse to take one.  Having a baby seemed like the perfect reason.  This was our last trip where we could be completely worry-free and we decided to take full advantage.

My husband chose our destination.  We had been talking about taking a trip to Savannah for a while but I was actually leaning towards going to Chicago.  However, we wanted to go somewhere where we could relax and not feel like we were missing anything so Savannah seemed like the better fit.

It wouldn't be a Brown family trip without a horrible travel story.  Maybe it has more to do with the airline we always fly than us?  Our first flight was delayed and our flight from Houston to Savannah was cancelled.  By some miracle we got booked on the last flight of the day to Savannah.  Originally they told us that we would have to stay overnight in Houston.  Our new flight to Savannah was delayed and when we got there, we had no bags.  The lovely gate agents had forgotten to remark our bags for our new flight.  Oh and the flight our bags were supposed to be on the next day got cancelled.

So we arrived to Savannah feeling exhausted, gross, and we didn't have any of our belongings.  We went to Walmart to try and find a few things and the next day had to go to Target to get some clothes.  Nothing like being 20 weeks pregnant and not having all your stuff.  Needless to say, there were tears.
Thankfully the trip did get better.  We stayed at a bed and breakfast, which was a first for us, called the Hamilton-Turner Inn.  Each room is named after a famous citizen of Savannah and we were in the room named after Juliette Gordon Low, who founded the Girl Scouts.  The home was beautiful and breakfast was amazing.  They made a different dish every day and they were all good.

The Inn

Our room

Our view

The church across the street

Savannah is just as beautiful as you think it will be.  I loved the old trees and architecture.  My only complaint was that it was hot.  And not just hot, hot and humid.  Pregnant and sweaty was not a good look.  We went on a trolley tour of the city, which I highly recommend.  It helped us figure out what we wanted to see and it was hop on and off, so it helped us get around the city.

Tree-lined streets

Cute shops

Juliette Gordon Low's house

The old Cotton Exchange

Leopold's, which has some of the best ice cream in the country

There are lots of graveyards

Sadly, we did not see Paula

I loved this home

Cathedral of St. John the Baptist

Lafayette Square

The film set for the movie CBGB

We decided to go to Tybee Island since we had a rental car and Daniel loves the beach.  I imagine the beach is usually super nice, but it was very windy the day we went.  We saw lots of people being taken down by the waves.  We also saw a man who didn't quite understand the concept of boogie boarding.

It was a little rough

Whiteness

One of my favorite things about traveling is the food and since I was pregnant I decided that I could eat as much as I wanted.  So we ate a lot.  We had the best salad ever at Alligator Soul.  The croutons were grits that were breaded and fried.  Amazing.  We also had a lot of seafood which made me so happy.

I think we did a pretty good job of eating at all the top restaurants.  We waited in line for an hour or so to eat at Mrs. Wilkes' Boarding House.  Supposedly they have the best fried chicken in the South.  Now, I know fried chicken and while it was good, it needed a little more flavor.  However, all the sides made the wait (and the sweating) worth while.  On a side note, just because you are pregnant does not mean anyone will offer you a place to sit while waiting in said line.  We also had ice cream at Leopold's.  The pistachio ice cream was delish.    

Lunch at the Crystal Beer Parlor

I love a BLT

Scallops at the Olde Pink House

Huge slices of pizza at Vinnie Van Go-Go's

He was excited

I should have taken a picture of the hellacious line

We loved Savannah!

I think Daniel made an excellent choice for our baby moon but I would like to go back in the fall when it isn't quite so hot and humid.

He's here!

Beckett Oliver Brown is here! He decided to come a whole four weeks early.  I went into labor Tuesday morning (actually, it was probably more like Saturday that I started having back contractions) and he arrived Wednesday morning.  He was 6 pounds even and 19 1/2 inches long but I'll post more about that later.

He had to go to the NICU because his lungs weren't quite ready but he is doing really well.  After a very long first day, he turned the corner.  As of today, he is off oxygen and his IV has been disconnected.  Depending on what his blood sugar is at his next two feedings, he may be able to get the IV taken out.  It's in his head but it looks much worse than it is and he seems to like having his hands free.  He is also working on getting up to feedings of 48ml and is almost there.   He really loves meal time.

He has to be able to maintain his temperature in an open crib, gain weight, keep his oxygen off, and continue with 48ml feedings before he can go home.  He also has to tolerate sitting in a carseat for two hours.  He is making great progress and we are hoping that he is home by the middle of this week.

35 weeks

So this is the blog I was working on while I was in labor.  I didn't quite realize I was in labor but that is another story for another day.  There was no picture for this week because I got put on bed rest by my doctor but I thought I would go ahead and post what I had blogged.

How far along: 35 weeks, 6 days

Total weight gain/loss: Just north of 20 pounds.    
Maternity clothes: I am wearing them.  I feel like I have gotten huge here recently.
Stretch marks: Just one but that it one too many as far as I am concerned. 

Sleep: I am having a more difficult time sleeping at night.  I toss and turn a lot.

Best moment this week: I got my breastfeeding class out of the way and feel much more at peace with it, but that could all change once the baby gets here.  We also made more progress on the nursery.  The changing table area is almost done and we picked up the mattress for the daybed.  All we need it the glider and some accessories.

Movement: He moves.  It hurts.

Food cravings: All I want are sweets.

Gender: BOY!

Labor signs: Braxton Hicks contractions. 

Belly in or out: It's a halfsie.

Symptom of the week: Back pain (again).  On Saturday I felt like my back was literally about to snap in half.  I have never felt anything like it.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back.

What I am looking forward to: We start our weekly doctor's appointments this week and I am excited/nervous to see what those entail.  We are also getting another sonogram this week to check the baby's weight.

Weekly wisdom: I am all out of wisdom.

Milestones: I feel more confident about breastfeeding thanks to my class and we are about to start weekly appointments.  Yay!

34 weeks

My husband had a rude awakening this week.  We went to Target after our doctor's appointment and I decided to go ahead and buy some newborn diapers so I could get my changing table organizer done.  He and my best friend's husband were having a diaper shower that next day and he could not figure out why I would buy diapers when they would be receiving some.  I bought a box of 96 and he honestly thought that this would be enough to last a month.  He had no idea that babies need to be changed around 10 times a day.  All I could say was bless your heart.  He has a lot to learn.

How far along: 34 weeks, 6 days

Total weight gain/loss:  Around 23 pounds.  I am still measuring a week small which is crazy because I feel like a whale.   
Maternity clothes: I feel like I am running out of things to wear and there have been tears over this fact.
Stretch marks: I have contained the one I found last week and am spot treating it.

Sleep: I am tired all day and have to sleep with a heating pad most nights.

Best moment this week: We had another check up and the doctor said everything is looking good.  After our next appointment, we will be going every week which means we are getting close.  

Movement: He moves like crazy until someone wants to try and feel him move.  I feel like this is foreshadowing.

Food cravings: I just want sweets.  I have been craving this chocolate, caramel, pretzel creation that a friend made for a sorority meeting last week.  It was amazing.

Gender: BOY!

Labor signs: Just Braxton Hicks contractions.  I worked on Sunday and had a lot.

Belly in or out: It's still half in and half out.

Symptom of the week: Nesting.  I am an organizing machine.  The baby's closet is organized and labeled.  The medicine cabinet is organized and labeled.  I've been working on cleaning out kitchen cabinets and next up is the freezer.  I get so much joy out of purging.

What I miss: Being able to get dressed without a care in the world.  Everything is getting too tight.  

What I am looking forward to: I am taking a breastfeeding class on Saturday which will hopefully answer lots of my questions.

Weekly wisdom: When you have a burst of energy and the desire to do something, like go for a walk, just do it.  These bursts of energy don't last long and often require a nap to recover from.

Milestones: We took our baptism class, which means we are on our way to making this baby legit in our church.  It also means that I am taking care of business and crossing things off my to do list.

33 weeks

Are we there yet?  I feel like I have been pregnant forever and this week I hit the wall.  I am ready to be done.  I am ready for this baby to get here.  I miss being able to bend over.  I missing being able to put shoes on by myself.  But at the same time, I know that I am blessed to be experiencing all of this because I honestly didn't think I ever would.  There are lots of women who are not so fortunate and my goal for this next week is keep my complaining to a minimum and to remember that I really am lucky.

How far along: 33 weeks, 6 days

Total weight gain/loss:  Around 22ish pounds.   
Maternity clothes: I have been doing really good about not buying any more maternity clothes.  The problem is that I want to buy clothes for after the baby is here and it's kind of hard to try anything on right now.
Stretch marks: I. have. a. stretch. mark.  I am devastated.  I thought I was in the clear.  I am spot treating it all day, every day.

Sleep: I wake up a lot at night especially with back pain.

Best moment this week: Getting to see my mom and our baby shower.  Baby Brown got lots of amazing gifts and we felt very loved.  Plus, I got to spend time with my mom.  It's crazy to think that the next time I see my family, there should be a baby around.  

Movement:  Lots and it is not so comfortable as he continues to gain weight.

Food cravings: I don't really crave anything crazy besides sweets.  There are times when I have thought certain things sounded good but there have been no eighty mile drives for hot dogs.

Gender: BOY!

Labor signs: None.

Belly in or out: It's still half in and half out.

Symptom of the week: Loss of feet.  By this I mean that I am no longer able to see my feet clearly or get shoes on and off.  I had to have my husband hold my Uggs so I could finagle my way into them.  Between this and my feet getting wider, I'm not quite sure what to do.

What I miss: I miss not being pregnant.  I am ready to get this show on the road.  The nursery isn't done but I feel like I am.  

What I am looking forward to: We have a doctor's appointment this week and I may actually have some time to get some rest.

Weekly wisdom: Everyone hits the wall during pregnancy.  It doesn't make you a bad person.

Milestones: We had a baby shower, officially finished the last bit of construction on the nursery, and got a little more organized. 

The name game

Naming a baby is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  First, you have to consider another person's suggestions which is hard when you have been naming your future children since you were in pre-school.  Second, by the time you have children there are lots of names you can't use because they remind you of certain people.  Finally, this child will be stuck with this name for the rest of their life so you don't want anything too crazy or trendy.

Thankfully, Daniel and I had agreed on a name for a boy and a girl before we were ever pregnant.  I guess when it takes two years to get pregnant, you have a lot of time to think about these things.  We were convinced we were having a girl, so we were set.  Then we found out Baby Brown is a boy and while we had picked a first name, we couldn't quite agree on a middle name.

After much debate we finally agreed on a first and middle name.  Then we had to decide if we wanted to tell people.  We decided to tell family and close friends but that was it.  Lots of people had told us to wait until he was here to even announce a name because people love to share their opinions.  We also didn't want someone else in our small town to use the name.

However, we are finally ready to share.  So without further ado, Baby Brown's name is...

beckett.

I have loved this name since probably 2007 and thankfully Daniel liked it a lot too.  I am a big fan of using last names as first names but unfortunately, my maiden name is not a name I would wish on a child.  I think I was watching a baseball game and Josh Beckett was pitching when I had an epiphany that Beckett would be a very cute name for a boy.  We also liked that it wasn't a very common name but it wasn't out there either.

oliver.

We had a harder time deciding on a middle name.  If we had a girl, we had planned on using a family name from Daniel's side for her middle name so I thought maybe we should use a family name from my side.  We threw a lot of ideas out there but I really liked Oliver.  It was my mom's dad's name and I knew it would mean a lot to her.  When we told her we were thinking about using it she cried so we were pretty much locked in.

So Baby Brown's name is officially Beckett Oliver Brown.   We both really love the name and have actually only had positive feedback.