Life in the NICU

Having a baby in the NICU is like joining a secret club.  I like to use the mob as an example.  Once you are in, you are in.  You have a bond with other parents who have had a baby in the NICU.  And while it is easy to get into the NICU, it is super hard to get out.

I ended my blog about Beckett's birth with his big debut.  At first it seemed like he was going to be fine.  He had a loud, strong cry but from the bed I could see that he wasn't pinking up like he needed to.  He also stopped crying and sounded like he was full of junk.

My doctor told me that he inhaled amniotic fluid during the delivery and my hope was that with some deep suctioning, he would be fine.  This wasn't the case.  The nursery nurse placed a oxygen saturation monitor on him and he was in the high 60s/low 70s.  It's time like these when you are both thankful for medical experience but wish you didn't know so much at the same time.

They brought him to the bed but I told the nurse that I would hold him for a second but that it was more important that they got him on oxygen.  I would have loved to have held him for hours, but I knew that we could be heading down the wrong path.

The nursery nurse and Daniel headed to the nursery and I got left behind.  I am not sure how Daniel held it together in the nursery, because I know that I would have been a mess.  They placed the baby under an oxygen hood but quickly realized that he needed more care than the nursery could provide and would have to be admitted to the NICU.

Under the oxygen hood before getting moved

We had to wait a few hours before we were allowed to go visit him.  Our room was the farthest room from the NICU and it felt like four miles after having a baby.  When we got the NICU, we spoke to his neonatologist.  All of the neonatologists were nice, but Dr. Haider was our favorite.  He explained that Beckett's lungs were full of fluid and his blood gases were not looking great.  He had to be placed on high-flow oxygen and antibiotics.

Beckett in the NICU

The nurses were amazing.  They answered all of our questions and even let me look through his chart and see his lab results.  They told us that there are certain tests that he would have to pass before we would be able to take him home.  They included being maintaining his temperature in an open crib, getting off oxygen, and having normal lab results.  We were far from this point.

It wasn't until the next evening that he was stable enough for us to hold him.  He had a few bad blood gases during the night, but had improved during the day.  It was so hard to know that he was there in the same hospital as us, but not to be able to hold him so we are so excited when we finally were able to.  

Daniel and Beckett

Finally getting to hold Beckett after 36 long weeks

My sister and Beckett (note the IV in my child's head)

The nurse told us that if Beckett continued to improve we would be able to begin bottle feedings.  We did not realize at the time, but bottle feedings would soon be all we talked about.  Before being discharged, Beckett would have to go 24 hours without being tube fed.  His oxygen was also slowly being titrated and he was getting feisty.  They had to restart his IV three times before they decided to move it to his head.  That is something no mother wants to see, but I knew that it didn't hurt and was better than him continuing to be stuck by needles.

The next few days had ups and downs.  He did well enough with his tube feedings to be moved to bottle feedings.  At first his bottle feedings went really well, but eventually he started falling asleep during feedings and was too tired to take them in the amount of time he was given.  The respiratory therapists continued to titrate his oxygen but decided to start him on breathing treatments and percussion therapy due to bad chest X-rays.  He had been able to maintain his temperature and was moved to an isolette, as well.

Getting to wear clothes for the first time

The precious sign his nurse made for him

That is pretty much how his stay progressed.  He had good moments and bad.  His bilirubin levels increased, but not enough to need to be placed under a light.  He did really well breastfeeding, but was still having a hard time bottle feeding and most feedings ended with him having to be tube fed.  Plus, the amount he was required to eat kept going up every day, so we felt like we couldn't win.  He was sating well on room air but had to have it at a flow of 4 liters per minute or he would desat to unacceptable levels.  It was a mixed bag.

Thank God for his nurses (except for the one that tube fed him 3ml and bought us another 24 hours in the NICU).  They were so helpful and knew how badly we want to go home.  One nurse suggested that I come up for all of his feedings for a day and breastfeed.  They can't measure breastmilk so this would help him meet the requirement of no tube feedings in 24 hours.  It worked and he was able to cross that task of his list.

Another nurse talked to the doctor and told him how often we were up there for his feedings.  Feedings were every three hours and we went to almost all of the ones during the day shift and at least one or two during the night shift.  She convinced the doctor that we shouldn't have to "room-in" or stay the night in a hospital room to prove we could take care of him.  That got us another step closer to leaving.  

After a lot of back and forth, Beckett was finally taken off oxygen and was able to maintain his oxygen saturation.  This meant that he could be moved to an open crib and was another step closer to discharge.

At this point we had been in the NICU for a week, but it felt more like months.  I have so much more empathy for parents who have children in the hospital for extended periods of time.  You deal with so many emotions.  I felt immense amounts of guilt if I missed a feeding, but I wasn't taking care of myself when I tried to go to every feeding.  All of this was after just one week. I can't imagine what it would have felt like to have him in the hospital for a month or more.  

I also learned how lucky we are to have friend and family in the town where the hospital was.  We pretty much moved in with my husband's brother and his wife and they were amazing hosts.  My best friend and her husband took me to lunch to give me a break, too.  We wouldn't have kept our sanity without them.

A picture of the costume Beckett's NICU nurses made for him

Finally on Halloween we were told that if Beckett's bilirubin level continued to decrease and if he made it through the night without any set-backs, we would be able to go home.  We completed a CPR course and filled out lots and lots of paperwork.  We had to schedule an appointment with an audiologist because Beckett failed his hearing test twice (he passed his test with his audiologist) and his two-week appointment with his pedicatrician.

The next morning we went for our morning visit and got the good news that we were being discharged.  The nurse had already fed him, so we were able to leave right then.  It was the best feeling ever.  We were so excited to get to finally take him home.

So that is an abridged version of our NICU stay.  While there were lots of bumps, there is silver lining to having a baby in the NICU.  They got him on a feeding schedule for us which pretty much echoed Baby Wise.  He also learned to self-soothe.  Finally, we were able to relax.  He had gone through a lot and so had we.  We learned that we weren't going to break him and got rid of a lot of fear that first-time parents have.